Giving Thanks - Sunday, October 12, 2008

Not much time to write today, cuz I have to work. It's thanksgiving weekend here in Canada, so I have monday off, and an opportunity to reflect on what I'm grateful for.

I commented on a friend's journal today and realized my comment was sort of becoming a journal, so I felt that it was a good idea to continue the thought in my own journal. So, to pick up where I left off:

I'm doing pretty well not trying, Geneen Roth style. For the first couple of days, I ate whatever I wanted, but the crazy thing is, my appetite is not the same when I'm not under the self-induced pressure of another diet. I've found myself noticing how food makes me feel, and am actually craving greens now. I was going to make broccoli and cheese with rice pasta last night, and was bummed out when I realized I didn't have any broccoli:)

It's still kinda scary, I'm realizing how hard it has been to trust myself. I'm doing all of this while knowing that I indeed have an addiction to sugar. Since sugar is a chemical isomer to cocaine, I don't doubt that it is acting on my body just like any drug. Fine. I've decided not to avoid it, because I'm coming to understand that the psychology of food avoidance can be just as strong as chemical addiction.

I've also realized that I have a very sensitive stomach, and highly acidic foods like sugars and flours give me a feeling in my stomach that sort of mimicks hunger and serves to confuse me. This has been happening to me since I was a child! This means that I have a food sensitivity, and I do have other symptoms.

It's hard not to plan my next diet. I'm frustrated, because I still have signs of toxicity, some of which I've experienced my entire life. I need a lymphatic cleansing in an extreme way, but fasting is not beneficial in a case like mine, where psychology and physical addiction are key influences. So, I'm going to continue to trust my intelligence and intuition, and just hope that I flow toward a path that is in my best interest.

I'll tell ya, trying to listen to my body, my will, my inner child and my intellect is complicated. It can be a bit like dealing with internal terrorists at times!


Namaste

It's good to have goals Wednesday, October 8, 2008

No doubt about it, it's good to have goals. But, it's also good to be honest with yourself, and I've come to understand that I do way better when I'm not modifying my eating habits a la dieting/cleansing etc. When I'm under pressure of starting a new nutritional regime, there's always that "last" muffin or coffee or brownie, what-have-you. When I'm not about to diet, I generally make healthy choices, with the odd indulgence. I've deleted all of my goals, I'm trying out a new approach of not trying, and of letting myself choose, knowing that I will choose wisely. I know what healthy food is, I know what my body needs. I am not going to go crazy, and I will enjoy things a helluva a lot more if I'm not judging myself on everything I put into my mouth.

Exercise. I don't like strength training, and I don't particularly like treadmills (except that they calculate your time and km's, which is helpful.) But I don't want my life to be about that. I like yoga, pilates, and hiking, out in nature with my dogs and my best friend/partner/boyfriend.

I'm determined to get busy enjoying my life, and creating activity that cultivates expansiveness, meditation and communion with nature.

Anyhoo, it seems that I'm on the verge of starting a wellness centre with a couple of other women! We went to view our potential spot, a Victorian mansion in the town where I was born. It was the original hospital in town, and I think we are going to go for it. It has a few ghosts, most prominent was a nurse that used to work there, but she's benign, and I felt something else in the nursery, but I'm not quite sure...it felt like many different presences there...it's going to cost a lot of money initially to get started, but I don't feel like this is going to be a major problem for us. My solar plexus gave me the a-ok feeling when we discussed it today, and it feels right!

I'm very very very very very very excited about this new venture. It's time, and I know that I have a lot to offer my hometown. The group of women that will be running this clinic is composed of strong, compassionate and genuine women, and I think we are going to do very well.

Ahhhh....ciao for now!!