Really Raw Day 26 - Keepin' it real!

I've been snowshoeing a lot this week, and it's such a blast. I go out with my dogs in the 'back forty' or out to the trails with my friend. It helps me to gain insight into just how I want to live my life. No really!

I'm 28, 29 this may, and I've lived a relatively overweight/underactive existence. I was raised that way, I'm really not going to dwell on it:) But I've always longed, as all fat folk do I assume, to be the skinny girl. It's depressing how much I've thought about that goal in my lifetime. I have lost a significant amount of weight and kept it off (which is the most important part!) but I know I could stand to lose more. About 50 lbs in fact! On friday, after dropping the raw ball for a few days, I was up to a weight that I haven't been in awhile, and feeling pretty bad about it. I took some full body pics of myself that I am hoping one day will be 'before' pics. I'm too mortified to post them now.

Because of friday's events, I had a pretty miserable weekend, where I was really down on myself. I wouldn't let my boyfriend touch me, and I made it a point to change in the bathroom. I'm somewhat modest usually, but this was a bit extreme. As always, with each passing day, my mood lifted and I realized that I had gotten myself caught in the miserable diet trap again. Oh dear. I've lived so long in the dirty cycle of self-hate and dieting, that it really seems normal. I'm getting better, but I often have to remind myself that I am doing this to be healthy first and foremost. You don't seem obese people in nursing homes, and I have a lot of living to do!

I've come to realize that if I'm on a diet, where something is forbidden, I will inevitably end up diving into a bucket of that very thing! I'm trying to train myself to focus on other factors that lead to trouble, such as eating too much, and eating because of stress, or boredom, or anger, or joy...you get the idea. Emotional eating is a tricky problem to deal with.

So, nothing is off-limits. My mission is to always make the healthiest choice that I can in any given moment, and to be more active. I won't be renewing my gym membership anytime soon though. I need to do this in a way that I can incorporate into my life and enjoy doing. My dogs are definitely a great buddy system when it comes to that. All it will take is a few hours a week walking with them, some yoga and pilates (both of which I really enjoy) and a focus on sensible eating. To borrow a phrase from Doug Graham (80/10/10 diet author): I want to eat foods that I love that love me back! Naturally, high raw is the way to go. I've been researching nutrition for a very long time, and every road points me back to nature, pure and simple. The less processing involved in the food I eat, the better. Reading Michael Pollan's book "In Defense of Food" really helped to drive that point home. If my great great great-grandmother wouldn't recognize it as food, than why should I bother to eat it? She might not have recognized things like persimmons or pineapple, but I think she'd get the basic idea that it is edible:)

The industrialization of our food (and everything) is threatening the existence of our species. I'm not going to go into that in great detail here...maybe later, maybe never, but regardless, I really think I'm onto something! I plan on avoiding the feeling of deprivation however. If I really want a piece of cake at a party or something, I'm not going to tell myself no. Hopefully, it's going to be a raw cake:)

I'm not interested in wasting time and energy torturing myself. I can hear Morgan Freeman's voice (Shawshank Redemption) in my head saying: Get busy living or get busy dying. I think you know what I'm going to do.